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How to Make Being a Sensitive Person Work For You


There are good and also hard things about being a sensitive person. I know, because I am one.

I'm going to show you all the good things and how to navigate through the hard things. Most importantly is how to make relationships work for you when you're super sensitive, right?

First, I want to start with the positives of being sensitive. Your super powers are likely creativity or compassion. You feel things so deeply and sense other people's feelings.

Once you harness this power, you can understand what's going on around you much, much quicker than most people. You can understand what's going on with your partners and you can understand what's going on with your employers and you can understand what's going on with your employees and you can learn to have superior relationship skills.

The other thing, if you think about it, if you're a business owner, is you're going to intuitively or empathetically connect with your customers and in business. You're in business to meet a need and you’re going to be able to understand your customer's needs so much more than most people because you have this super power.

You probably already know about the creative piece.

If you're super sensitive, you may sense that you are more in touch with spiritual matters or aware of the beauty of art or music and because of this you can create things no one else can. This isn't just about creating art or music, however, it's about your ability to create a rich home life or nurturing your children or bringing goodness to the world and there's huge value in that.

Here's something else I want you to think about that you've probably never thought about as far as how marketable your skills are today and how valuable financially they are.

Right now we have a lot of technology automation and I want you to know that neither apps nor artificial intelligence can reproduce what you possess. They can reproduce by collecting data, but they can't reproduce what's immeasurable and intuitive yet, and you can.

So while I can automate a lot of things in my business, what I can’t automate is your ability to have compassion for my clients. I can't automate the way you see the world and the beauty that you bring to the world. So from a, from a financial standpoint, I need you to really understand that your skills are rising in value financially.

In technology we use analytical skills and we and we use data collection and use that so-called right side of our brain. But when you look at the pioneers of technology, what they're doing is cutting edge. They're seeing beyond what is seen now and they're going beyond it.

Steve Jobs as an example. He could see the future. He had a vision for the future. Why? Because he could connect with what people's real needs were and you can too. So if you want to go into business, you're going to be super valuable in business.

There are a few more things I'm going to talk about that are positives.

I just want you to think about. One of the things that you have is spontaneity and excitement. You get so excited about things and it's contagious and people are so attracted to that and drawn to that and along with that goes passion. You have that passion. Another thing you have is you have a strong moral compass. You have a strong sense of right and wrong. You have strong personal attachments. When you're sensitive, you are so loyal and attached so strongly and people in the world need that. You have a willingness to please because you care so much about other people in your relationships and you've got a lot of flexibility with that creativity and compassion. You can see both sides. You can be very flexible and learn new things,

But there's a flip side of these things that make our being sensitive really difficult.

Our spontaneity and passion can lead to impulsivity and I'm going to talk a lot about that in a minute or reactivity or intense emotional feelings and then behaviors that go along with those feelings.

Speaker 1: (09:12)
Because remember at the very beginning I said, if you're sensitive, not only are you more aware of what people are feeling, but you're going to feel things, you're going to feel your feelings more than other people. That's why you're so beautiful, but feeling those feelings so much can cause us some problems, but we're going to learn how to figure that out here. And then the other piece I talked about like really attaching to people. The flip side of that can be a fear of abandonment if they leave you or neediness and in my story, everything I've talked about and everything I'm going to talk about, I've gone through and at the end of the day I feel really compassionate and creative, but I don't have these flip sides anymore. I just feel confident and strong and I want those things for you to. Let's talk about our childhood.

Speaker 1: (10:15)
My philosophy as a life coach is not to go back into childhood trauma and try to resolve it because if you read my book, control the future thought technology for influencers. I talk a lot about positive psychology and I talk about how our thoughts control our actions and affect our emotions, so when you go back into trauma as a child, it reactivates negative thoughts, negative emotions, and negative behaviors so it can be counterproductive. The only value and understanding your childhood is to validate where you're coming from and maybe to understand it a little bit more so we're just gonna. Use it for a minute to understand where you came from and how it affected you, but let's not stay there. Let's not be victims. Let's say, okay, now I understand that. Let's solve it right? Let's move right into problem solving for you when you're young and sensitive, unless you're one of the fortunate few who had like super good caregivers or parents that understood what it felt like to be sensitive.

Speaker 1: (11:33)
You were probably really invalidated or misunderstood about it and when you felt so intensely. I remember as a little girl laying on the floor crying to an album. My mom was playing and she was really sweet and kind about it, but that's how I saw life. And when you're feeling things is so intensely like loneliness or pain, it can be people can make you feel like you don't belong. Like why are you doing that? Like bucket up all these things. And so what happens is I kind of want to tell you right now, it's not your fault that you don't know how to navigate in this world or in relationships with your sensitivity because no one understood how to teach you that I'm here to teach you right now. So there's the good news, and even if I wasn't in the picture, I want you to always know whatever you didn't get as a child you can give yourself. And I know that's hard to believe, but you can. And I also wanted to start with this list of positives about you because what I really wanted you to hear was the positives. When you always felt like there were so negative,

Speaker 3: (12:46)

Speaker 1: (12:48)
When I was growing up, I just wanted someone to understand me and help me feel better. I didn't know how to feel better. That's what I'm going to teach you now. How to feel better when you feel that negative pain so intensely, and I remember going to therapy so many times and saying, how do I do this? And no one would tell me how they're like, go back into your childhood or just does so many things that weren't helpful. And that's why as a life coach, I want to tell you how.

Speaker 3: (13:22)
All right,

Speaker 1: (13:26)
so we talked about intensely feeling our emotions and if that resonates with you, I want to show you how intensely feeling your emotions can harm your relationships rather than bring out the beauty that it is intended to be. And what I want for you is to be as beautiful in your relationships as you are and help you like get rid of that negative stuff. So what happens when we intensely feel our emotions? Hold on, I'm gonna. Take a drink. When we intensely, when we intensely feel our emotions. If you've looked at my videos on youtube, go to tammy green just like Google, youtube, Tammy Green. You'll find them in my book. Control the future thought technology for influencers. I talk a lot about cognitive behavioral therapy, so cognitive behavioral therapy says research empirically based therapy that's been used for decades. Now

Speaker 1: (14:36)
once we have a thought, we have an emotion and after we have an emotion, we have an action. So the piece I want, I talked so much about your thoughts and how to change things with your thoughts, but let's talk about emotions for a minute. Emotions affect our actions and so what happens is we, without realizing it, have an emotion and then there's an action we don't even think about that we take. We're going to talk more about that in a little bit, but imagine if you have super strong emotions there, you're going to have a super strong behavior. Just make sense. It's understandable. So while it looks like you're impulsive or or you're maybe not thinking through your behaviors and then you regret them later, what it is you're feeling really strongly. And my sweet little daughter I have as an example of this, she's only five, but I've been able to teach her a lot of these skills and it's becoming so much easier for her.

Speaker 1: (15:44)
And you can teach them to yourself, but she feels so strongly and it looks like impulsivity, but what she'll, she didn't really doesn't do it that much anymore, hardly at all. But um, she would feel strongly act on it and then maybe regret her action later because it was an action that was born out of a strong emotion. Now she's not the best thing. I'm so happy for the sweet little girl is that she doesn't have to regret her impulsive actions anymore. And that's what I want for you because I know your heart and I know how much you want to be kind and loving and connect with people. And so when we feel a strong emotion and then we act on it, it feels awful. It feels so counter to who we are and that's the worst feeling in the world. And I don't want you to feel that way anymore.

Speaker 1: (16:43)
Would you feel strong and confident and like your actions are in alignment with your heart and your soul purpose? Right? So some people do act impulsively or they act with the intent to harm other people. Let me tell you, sister or brother, there's some people that don't have your best interests at heart and they do want to harm you. I. It was a hard lesson for me to learn, but it's true and we're going to go into why that's a valuable thing to learn in a minute, but I don't think that's you. I think you're really sensitive and you care about people.

Speaker 1: (17:22)
So I talked about cognitive behavioral therapy a little bit and that with every emotion, there's an action that follows it, so this can work for nonsensitive people. This works for everyone. This is the way the brain and the body works together. This is how I want you to think about it and if you've taken my retrain your brain class or my dbt skills classes, I walked you through this because it's so foundational guy. It's just amazing. I want you to think about a particular emotion that you might feel and when you feel it, what you do, like what your action is, so an easy one is when you feel afraid. You might act out or more often when you feel afraid, you retreat. Oh my gosh, that's what I've done and I still have to. That's why I say, when you feel the fear, do it.

Speaker 1: (18:24)
You just want to do the opposite if what you do normally doesn't, doesn't work. I had a, I had a student I love him. Um, I wish I could say his name and send out the love, but I don't talk about who my students are, but he had the best example of fear because when I gave this example of what is the emotion that you're feeling and then what's the action to it? I said, if you feel fear, what do you do in every single person in class said, when I feel fear, I retreat. Right? So there's this fight or flight thing that we have when we feel fear. And he was, he said every single time I moved towards it because he had an experience as a child where he swam in the ocean and he got attacked by a shark when he was really young or I don't know if he got attacked with the shark, came towards him and his mother was like, you get back right back.

Speaker 1: (19:26)
You get right back in there when you feel afraid, just face it, and it just stuck with him. In some of our mothers, when they feel afraid or are caregivers, they say, retreat, don't act, so this is a bigger lesson about examining our emotions and in and examining our actions attached to the emotions, but in regards to being sensitive, I really just want you to understand that when you feel an emotion so strongly, you're going to have a strong action associated with that and whether it's retreating. When you feel afraid or attacking, when you feel afraid or angry, I want you to think is that working for you and just just having the knowledge alone that I have more powerful emotions in most people, I'm going to behave in a more powerful action. Whether it's doing nothing or being something will help give you some insight into how you might start changing this so you can change your actions.

Speaker 1: (20:29)
When you feel an emotion by doing what I've talked about here. The other thing is to learn how to soften your emotions so they don't feel so intense. Now, if you're really creative and you felt kind of the joy of pain or it's been comfortable or you love the high of being in love, like you feel this more strongly than most people, you may be reluctant to want to regulate your emotions or, um, make your emotions less intense. And I know I know some beautiful artists who don't want to go on medication because the medication makes him feel the pain lasts, but it makes them feel the joy less so. I understand the reluctance to doing that, but what I'm going to teach you is how to keep all the emotions you want and then make the negative ones not hurt so much. I know this sounds impossible, okay?

Speaker 1: (21:32)
I know this sounds impossible, but I'll teach you how to do it in my class or retrain your brain. This is one of the things I teach you and it takes practice. It takes learning. You're going to just like the title of my class, retrain your brain to be able to do this. So if you want to go to that class, also you how to do this, go to control the future.tech forward slash or retrain the brain. And that's where we get into this stuff. All right, now the other two hard things about being sensitive. Remember I told you the positives and the flip side of this. And by the way I told her this was a long one. I'm going into so much stuff. This is like core to my expertise here. Um, get the Freebie. So control the future.tech forward slash forward slash sensitive.

Speaker 1: (22:26)
I've got all this on there and also we're going to break this up into smaller videos and put them on youtube. So just google, tammy green at Youtube and then we're going to break this up into smaller ones. But if you really want to learn this, go to my class. I'll really hold your hand and walk you through it. But the other two things that are hard about being sensitive are this, this fear of abandonment and neediness. And I'm going to address these in the final point on how to be great in relationships. And I'm going to tell you the most important, the most important piece. I learned this about myself first. Let me say, if you learn how to regulate your emotions, keep the good ones, downplay the bad ones in a really logical way, not mass them like medication can do, and thank God for medication, but really learn how to have less negative emotion and more positive emotion or how to more quickly move out of negative emotions into positive emotion.

Speaker 1: (23:24)
When you learn that you're going to learn not to act negatively, right? And when your actions are more aligned to your values, you're going to feel more secure about your relationships, your that's just to be a huge relationship thing. You're going to feel in control and competent and you're going to know that you've done really well in your relationship, and if someone chooses not to support you at that point, it's their choice not because of something you've done. And that's a great feeling. Okay, this leads me on to the last key piece is how to navigate relationships. You're going to love this piece. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1: (24:11)
I'm a sensitive person. I felt everything growing up, but what I came to realize is that because I was sensitive and this is the most important piece you're going to love this when I came to realize is that because I was so sensitive, I was not only feeling in my experience, but feeling the emotions of others. When I first discovered this Ra, remember sitting next to my husband after an especially grueling crossfit workout, he actually dragged me to it and I didn't know I didn't want to go and God bless you. I mean if you do crossfit, you're my hero. It was, it was really hard. So after the workout I was sitting in the car feeling really tense and irritable, like really tense and irritable and I, I was thinking, I don't, you know, I was fine about it. Actually did a pretty good job.

Speaker 1: (25:12)
I was pretty fit at the time, but I looked over at him and realize it was him feeling this way, not me. So I'm going to tell you more about this, but because I realized that I felt what other people felt. I'm going to show you why this happens with sensitive people. It was such a relief to be like, oh, I don't feel tense. I feel fine. I don't feel irritable, I feel fine, and to just kind of like send him back his energy like or Marsha Linehan talks about having a teflon shield. Right? If you've taken dbt classes, okay, so this is how I recently described this to a client of mine. I'm going to take a drink of water. This is what it feels like

Speaker 1: (26:03)
to be sensitive and to feel other people's feelings. If you can picture yourself as a Martian. In the old cartoons, there used to be a Martian cartoon and he had antennas like they used to draw Martians with Antanas. You have to antenna on your head and everyone takes in kind of the frequencies of other people. Well, some people have a really, really small and antenna or I've met some that just don't understand emotions like they're not reading anyone else's emotions and those people probably need to take an emotional intelligence class. They need to read the book on emotional intelligence, but you get it all right because you have very large antenna and you're picking up all those signals around you, right? That's why you're just like such a good caregiver and you feel other people's pain and you're empathetic and you're compassionate and you're a compassionate disruptor like me, so you have these big antenna and you're picking up on other people what they're feeling, good or bad. Does that make sense?

Speaker 3: (27:21)

Speaker 1: (27:22)
but when we're not aware of this, we feel everything around us and it could be like if you're in a crowded room, you could pick up on dozens of other people's emotional states and sometimes you can feel the emotions of those who are very far away. If you're really attached to them and some people kind of use that against you,

Speaker 1: (27:45)
but what I want you to understand is how to know what you're feeling and what other people are feeling. And this. Remember I told you your super are creativity and compassion at the beginning. This is truly a super power, but you have to learn how to temper it so it doesn't destroy you because it can be intensely overwhelming. Some of us can't be in crowds or we're very. I'm introverted. I'm introverted. Although I'm a public figure and I speak, I can only take being around people so much and I have to retreat and if you're feeling this way, like you're feeling other people's emotions and you're aware of it, I do want to tell you there are other skills you can develop besides isolating or being introverted all the time. So like of me, I'm an introvert, but I love people. It's not that I don't love people and I think you're probably this way too. You may be an introvert just because you're taking in too much

Speaker 1: (28:55)
and in relationships. This can make it really hard to maintain those relationships because you, for all the reasons I just said, but I can show you how to change all of this and I'm going to show you how to shorten the antenna and how to feel less pain or how to realize when it's your pain or someone else's. Right, even our children, sometimes if we're really sensitive, we feel too much of our children's pain and we may give them too much because they need to learn how to handle it. There's all kinds of ways. It's gonna Affect our relationships. All right. The first step is just being aware that you feel other people's emotions. Just this fact alone will help you be able to sort out if it's your emotion or if it's others you are feeling and like everything else I tell you, it's practice.

Speaker 1: (29:50)
It's a foreign concept at first and then you become aware of it and you become. You become able to navigate it more and I will tell you there are some people who have that are like, really? I don't know how else to say this and this is not like I don't have the research or the scientific way of saying this and I'm always aware of my Harvard and Baylor endorsements and and how everything is researched based, but there's a lot of my work that's intuitive and I just have to say what it is, but there are some people that can hook into your emotions and, and they figure out somehow that you hook into theirs and they can pull you that way and it's just being aware of that. So what I want you to do is make a conscious effort to disconnect from others who try and who are trying to pull you into their emotional state.

Speaker 1: (30:45)
I hope you heard that. Get my Freebie Ford slash sensitive on my website. If you didn't hear that. It's so important. And like I said, let me tell you, brother, sister, there's some people who will try to do this to you. So maybe you felt like it was all your fault or you know, I don't know what it is that you felt was bad about yourself, but I have. I'm trying to make you feel, I hope you are. You are feeling better about yourself, understanding yourself, learning about your goodness in this, and eventually you're going to learn this to discern what someone else is feeling and you're going to learn how to to use it for goodness. You're going to learn how to use it to protect yourself. You're going to learn how to use it to serve other people, but it's not going to affect you so much.

Speaker 2: (31:41)

Speaker 1: (31:44)
The other thing I want to show you about how to navigate your relationships better when you're so sensitive is because you're so creative and sensitive. It is wise to work on the balance of your logic skills, so and if we're super creative and super sensitive, we might resist this, but I've had to learn time management, financial management, and more concrete things, technology, and I've really learned to balance that and my brain and that helps it feel feel a lot better. Okay? All right.

Speaker 1: (32:30)
Yeah. Just to remind you, you're going to learn not to take another's emotions so much. Huge, and you're gonna close your antenna and you're going to learn how to feel less intake, intensive emotions and like I wanted to really tell you is that I have someone to more about this in my book, y'all for my Texas Lingo, I really have, so it's my birth control. The future thought technology for influencers is my memoir and it's like it. It rolls in my memoir and my coaching just like I do and in every post or episode I ever do, and I want you to know this one last most important piece for me. I can't even take a drink and then tell you this.

Speaker 1: (33:23)
You're going to love this. Like I said earlier, I thought everyone else had my best interests at heart and because I did like I cared about people and I felt their emotions, but I'm going to tell you no one has your best interests like you do, so let me explain. There's a limitation in being a human that no one can understand your experience. Iq, Kim, I am empathetic. I'm intuitive. I'm trained as a life coach. I have psychological certifications I can sit across from you or your mother or your spouse or your child, the most loving person in your life. No one is going to get you like you. Do. I have a limitation as a human being, you have. You have a limitation as a human being that doesn't allow you to truly get another person's experience and so it's up to you and my God.

Speaker 1: (34:32)
This is why I love live coaching so much because life coaching, the way I do it in the way I've learned it in my path on it is to teach you how to validate, understand, and go for your own you because no one's going to get it but you and the most important piece to this for me was learning how to feel confident. Learning how to understand who I am and believe in it and not let anyone stop me and especially not ask for other's people's opinions all the time and feel bad when people didn't believe me or understand me is to believe in myself and that's the most important piece of being sensitive. I want you to get for yourself. I want you to understand how to do that.

Speaker 1: (35:21)
Alright. Um, I think I said everything. I'm going through these last notes. Yeah, I did. I said everything I wanted to say today. Now I know it sounds like I'm being salesy, but I want to connect with you and if you can't afford my coaching, joined my retrain your brain class. Go to control the future.tech forward slash retrain brain. If you, if you're not in a place or you need supplemental, follow me on social media, Youtube, Tammy Green, my facebook. Join my newsletter. Get this Freebie and really learn this stuff. This is some good stuff y'all. I just want you to know I love you and I'm happy that you're growing in your journey and I'm looking forward to you realizing fully your big bright light is shining all over the world. Okay? Have a great week. Okay, bye.

Meditation: It's Easier Than You Think