How to Make Negative Experiences Work For You
So I want to tell you right now that every negative thing that's happened to you is to point you towards what you do want. It's just a learning experience. There are no mistakes. It's all about growing and learning.
It’s scary to people when they’ve created some really bad situations in their life or their world is full of things they don't prefer. I'm going to do a little exercise with you right now. I've used this with lots of my coaching clients and this exercise will help you to understand that everything that has ever happened to you in a negative way or an unwanted way is leading you to your future. What I do is I have my clients take a notebook, right?
This is a notebook page, right? Split it in half, like just fold it, increase it. And on one side, especially my clients that come to me absolutely miserable with this horrible life. And usually feeling really bad about themselves. I have them write everything in their life that makes them miserable. Everything they hate, everything they've ever regretted, everything that's ever done to them, basically every negative thing that they don't want in their life. On this left hand column of this paper, on the right hand column of the paper, after they've filled up, you could fill up several pages if you want, right? Because this exercise is going to release you from all the problems and struggles of your life. So you've everything you don't want on the opposite side of the paper, on the righthand, across from everything that you've listed that you don't want.
You're going to list what that made you desire. Let me give you an example of something I loved with one of my clients. It was an Aha moment. What she did is she came to me because she was about to get a divorce from her fourth husband and she felt really, really bad about herself. Thanks for the love. She felt really, really bad about herself because she said she had failed marriages right in society would say that too. So what she did is I said, okay, that's on your left hand corner. What's on there on the left hand side of your note book, what's on the righthand side? What's on the right hand side? The right hand side is what you learned. You do want from this. What did you learn? You did want from this? You learned that you want to have a very successful relationship.
So list what you don't want on the other side of the piece of paper, I want you to list everything you've learned from that. Everything you love now, everything you desire, everything gets made you to be right. Now, if you've been with someone mean you're going to want to be with someone who's nice, right? If you've been sick or if you've been out of a job, you're gonna. Really, really desire the opposite. When you're through. I want you to fold that paper in half and tear off that left side. The right side of the paper is now who you are. That's who you are and that's everything you want out of your life and everything you're going to have right?
Doesn't that sound good? And those are more or less your affirmations, right? That's what you're going to look at every day and that's your blueprint for your future. Now, I talked to you a little bit about that. Our thoughts create our actions in reality. I'm going to give you an example of how I did this in my own life and this is a very difficult example because I want you to see how this works in real life, in real practice, under a very difficult situation. What I want to tell you is changing your thoughts takes work and it's very, very hard to think different thoughts, especially if we have ingrained belief systems that we've had since we've been a child. You want to keep working on your thoughts, making them better and better and better and better, and if you're thinking really negative thoughts are really destructive thoughts or bad feeling thoughts.
He said, just find a thought that makes you feel a little bit better, just a little bit of relief, and I thought, I can never. I will never be happy again without my children. I cannot imagine being happy again, and really it took me like three days of searching for some kind of thought. I couldn't think of any truthful thought and a lot of people when you're in distress say, that's okay, you've heard it. For me, it's a growth opportunity. Things will work out. All those things. You don't want to hear it when you're suffering, but I came up with this little thought and the thought was I may not ever be as happy as I once was, but I can be happy again, and that little thought it was believable. It was believable to me and it changed my thinking enough to give me just a little bit of emotional relief and as I went through everyday I would think about a thought about this subject.
That made me feel just a little bit better because when you think a thought that makes me feel a little bit better. Then a little bit later, you can feel thought that makes me feel a little bit better and a little bit better. I got to the place where I thought I'm gonna, do everything I can to be the best person possible for when my kids coming back into my life and I got to a place of peace and happiness. It wasn't overnight.